Sweet Dreams

Communication has been sparse for the last week with momma and she no longer can speak or open her eyes. Daddy and I have had to become mind readers of sorts. Sometimes telling the difference between an anxiety attack and pain is more than a bit difficult. We’re always “on” looking for clues – her facial expressions, picking at her sheets, breathing pattern, leg movement and more. So much more. Never resting. Never relaxed. Remember having your infant who couldn’t tell you why they were unhappy or where it hurt? Exactly.

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Saturday night I kissed her forehead and cheek, telling her that I loved her and that I hope she had sweet dreams. She whispered back to me “sweet dreams” and those were the last words my momma spoke to me.

I’ve thought much on the times we’ve had that will be our last and the many first that are yet to come without her. But real fear gripped me last night as those words echoed through my mind repeatedly……terrified that I’ll forget her voice. Is it possible to forget your own momma’s voice?

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3

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5 thoughts on “Sweet Dreams

  1. Tina – I remember thinking the same thing when my Dad died. What if I forget his voice, or his smell, or some of the things that we take for granted when they are with us, but miss desperately when they are gone? Now, 5 years later, I can still hear his voice. I still remember his cologne. And some of the most precious moments I can relive in flashbacks – like a little movie in my mind, just for me to enjoy.
    Every moment is a memory in the making. You are doing an amazing job with your momma. God’s peace to you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Tina I worried about the same things when my dad died. I also sat at his bedside in the hospital and watched him die. I was torn because I couldn’t be anywhere else and yet that’s not the last image of him I wanted. I remember it all vividly, but I also remember everything else as well. And I’m thankful for that. This will always be painful for you, but it will ease a little at a time. You’ll eventually get to a point where being thankful for the time you had with her & thankful for her not suffering anymore will be your dominate emotion. But until you do, my heart will still ache for you and your loss and you’ll be in my prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What a precious memory of your mom’s last words to you. “Sweet Dreams” will take on a new meaning to you and your family. To have had these last few weeks together after making the decision to discontinue chemo, etc. has made every day and every word so intentional for you all. You are an amazing family and to watch the display of love, laced with tears and laughter has been what your mom would want. I just know it. I wish I had known her better but from my times of speaking with her and watching her with you and grandchildren, I know she is an awesome lady, loved by all.

    I couldn’t help but think back to my Dad’s last days about 16 months ago. He was in a VA Hospital in Asheville, NC. Because it was Summer, I was able to pretty much move in with my Mom and be there for her. Between two other sisters and my Mom, we rotated spending the night by his side every night for two weeks. As hard as it was to watch him decline, it was also priceless for us because that was our HERO that we loved so much and it was a small way to comfort him. It brings tears to my eyes right now because I miss him so much. He too, at the end, was able to acknowledge family and whisper he loved us. I am so thankful for that time with him.

    Tina, I know the pain that you feel and I hurt for you. I also know that the many beautiful memories you have of your mom will comfort you and enable you to get through this tough time. Praying for you and your dad and other family members. Love you, my friend!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. No, you never forget your Mama’s voice-ever! Don’t be afraid or scared. Let God help you-a wise person told me to let it go and give it up to God-and when I came to grips with the cancer, death, dying, and the unknown, and I gave it up to God I became calm and a peace came over me , an acceptance of the unknown and the fear is gone. Your mom is a wonderful lady, and a joyous person. You are a lot like her and you will carry her within your heart always. No matter how many years go by or how old you get. You will cry, laugh and daydream about her. All good and healing. Keep her close in your heart and you will never be without her. Love you, Theresa

    Liked by 1 person

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